What was 2014 for me? Rough. In 2014 I moved to a completely new town and realized loneliness was a bit too familiar for me. I grew but I also pulled away from things and people in ways I wished I hadn't. I am still learning, everyday. 2014 has been hard - especially this last month. So, I will leave 2014 here. I will continue to face these problems in 2015 butI will do so with my head held a little higher and with a bit more faith.
So what are my resolutions? Let's be real. I completely thought about not having any. I rarely follow them, but then I thought..why not just be more personal? Why not just be more real and more honest with myself? Do away with the norm and just do me. So, forget the gym and the eating healthy. This year it is getting real up in here.
In 2015 I will work on my faith. Church will be a regular thing and I will quit turning away from God. Instead, I will trust him and I will work on that relationship. I will stop being so scared of it and start learning and growing from it.
In 2015 I am working on me. Sometimes, my down fault is I focus on others way before myself and then I just let myself fall apart. Im working on my faith. My confidence. My trust. Me.
I have to be the best version of me in order to serve God and my family the best I can.
Maybe, it is selfish and I have completely beat myself up over that but 2015 is the year I figure myself out and the year I beat all of these things that forever drag me down and seclude me.
What your resolutions this year? Your plans and dreams?
Life tends to be really messy and it tends to throw you in directions you never thought go. It surprises you. You plan for things and then those plans fall through. Being a child is so fantastic in that sense. Girls plan their dream wedding with Prince Charming and boys plan to own a cool car with a pretty girl by their side. Maybe there is a white picket fence, maybe their isn't. The deal is none of that matters - Prince Charming, cool car, the cookie cutter house. None of it is real. We, as humans, can not plan these things. Ultimately, it is not up to us. I suppose that's why being a child is so neat and so simple. We make plans and we aren't reminded that life has its' own plans, God has his own plans for us. We aren't reminded that sometimes His plans can be scary and sometimes they can be heart wrenching. Sometimes we think they don't make sense and sometimes we lose faith. We don't understand and we let the devil in, and we let him win just a little bit. It doesn't mean that he ultimately wins, but he takes that round. It's scary letting the devil win, but the thing is we can always turn the game around, we can always come back to Him.
My heart tends to leave me sometimes. A black hole takes its place. I get caught up in things I will never understand. I look for answers to questions that can never be answered. I make excuses for inexcusable actions because it is easier than hurting. I let my emotions take over and then I find myself living a complete lie. I say things are okay and I put on this front like life is all rainbows and butterflies. I pretend like I'm not hurting when really I'm just numb to any other feeling but hurt. I would love to say that things get easier and in all honesty I have. I've told them it gets easier, but that is just not the truth. Things do not get easier, they just change.
I have spent so much time looking and aching for a feeling I'm just not sure I will ever find. I have questioned God more than I have ever trusted him. I have fallen in and out of faith. It pains me to write words so true as these but then again the truth never gets any easier. I know He has a plan but I will never understand it. I will never understand the pain, the mistakes, or the messiness. I just know lately I have felt so empty. It is different this time but I find myself falling on old habits. I think what hurts the most is thinking this was all over. I thought I was okay. I thought I was better. I thought things were changing - because I had planned for them too. I planned to be okay. In my head - there is a mental planner and at this stage in life it says "You're okay. It is over and you don't care anymore." Boy, was I wrong.
Carrie Underwood says it just right. "Then it hit me like lightning late one night, I was all out of hope and all out of fight. I couldn't fight back the tears so I fell to my knees saying God if you're there come and rescue me."
Today we have a soccer game at 8:30 in the morning. This will be the earliest soccer game we have ever had and I am a bit nervous about how well it will go with our youngest. Saturday is normally our day to sleep in (till like 8:30) but these last few weeks we have been so busy! So, today after soccer we are having a little weekend getaway with some family. We will be headed to St. Louis to see Eric Church and I am over the moon excited. I feel like a kid on Christmas. Eric Church is one of my all time favorites, as well as my husbands.
So, it is only fair I share a little bit of EC with you all. My top five favorite Eric Church songs of all time.
5. Talladega - The Outsiders CD Favorite line: "Most days in life don't stand out, but life's about those days that will."
4. You Make It Look So Easy - Carolina CD
This song usually puts me to tears. It holds a really special place in my heart. Favorite line: "I gotta hard head. I was born that way and that makes me wrong more than I say, but I thank God you got a hard head too. I guess he must have known you'd need that to get us through."
3. Lightning - Sinners Like Me CD
*Warning: If you want to cry just go ahead and listen to this with a box of tissues.*
I don't know that there is a favorite line. The entire story of this song just puts me to tears and sends chills down my body.
2. These Boots [LIVE VERSION] - Caught in the Act: Live CD
I don't have a favorite line. I love this song in its entirety. It is an older one but one of my favorites. It was the song that got me hooked on EC.
1. Springsteen [LIVE VERSION] - Caught in the Act: Live CD
I adore when he throws in a little Bruce Springsteen in this song. It gets me every single time. Favorite line: "I was singing to you, you were singing to me. I was so alive, never been more free."
Does it not take you back to high school or college? Cruising around, wind in your hair, summer night, radio up, and just feeling free.
In case you haven't noticed I am a bit of a music fanatic. I don't have one genre I stick to. I like it all. I also prefer the live version of anything over something that has been edited.
Who are some of your favorite artists? What are some of your favorite songs?
It's friday and I am back! After a storm that knocked out our internet, being out of town, and the flu bug I am finally back. Whew...its been a crazy week.
Sons of Anarchy started Tuesday and my obsession with Charlie Hunnam has returned. I mean he is gorgeous.
Well, hello there.
Starbucks K-Cups & Pumpkin Spice Creamer. Need I say more? My mornings would not be complete without this duo.
Speaking of duos...I kicked the flu bug with out antibiotics this week. How? Plexus ProBio5 and BioCleanse. Three days and it was bye, bye bug. I felt like a rockstar. The flu usually either puts me down for two weeks or in the hospital because my heart can't handle any type of virus or infection. I am so happy my family and I are on a natural path and aren't harming our bodies with prescription medicines. Did you know antibiotics kill off the bad bacteria in your body when you need it, but it also will kill the good bacteria in your body that your body needs. ProBio5 will help to give you that good bacteria back! Not all probiotics do that. Get yours...here.
Bare Minerals: Neutral Eyes. I am OBSESSED. Want to know a little secret? I have never ever been good at applying eye makeup. I don't know why I can't do it but I just can't. However, since I bought this little beauty I feel like a professional. It is the easiest kit to use and it looks so classy and elegant. I seriously might go buy ten more of them because I never want to run out. Plus, it comes with everything you need [minus mascara] and it's only $30. That's a steal in my book!
What are you currently in love with? Have a great weekend y'all. (Bet you didn't know I had a southern accent. It's true.)
Who is ready for Fall? I know we are. It is our favorite time of the year for many reasons. We love the pumpkin patch, cooler weather, soups, and everything else fall comes with. I. CANT. WAIT! With that being said I have been scouting out my fall must-haves. Ya know the things you wouldn't survive fall without? Here are mine.
Leather Backpack: When the boys and I are out on an adventure picking pumpkins, heading to a game, or running crazy through the leaves the last thing I want is a purse to haul around. I need my camera, phone, keys, wallet, snacks, diapers, wipes, a cup, and a change of clothes in case someone gets dirty. Several can be found on Etsy but this exact one comes from here - in several colors.
Chunky Knit Scarf: There is nothing warmer or more comfy than a chunky knit scarf. I will take one in every color. Find several on Etsy and this exact scarf here. Old Navy had some really cute ones last year as well.
Plaid Button-Up: Yes, please. Comfy and cute. Wear it as a shirt or as a "cardigan" over another shirt. Plaid is in and I am loving it. Find this exact plaid button-up here.
Boot Socks: My boot collection is growing and so is my sock collection. Im loving these cute over the top boot socks. They add a cute little flair and fancy up the outfit. Stalk Groopdealz & Jane, as I am sure they will be selling them soon. Until then find these socks here.
Boots: Any leather boots will do in just about any color. Boots go with almost any outfit and stand up great through all the pumpkin patches and spooky houses! These Tory Burch boots are to die for though. Find them here.
Pumpkin Spice Frapp: This is the first sign of fall in my book and I can't wait to get my hands on one. Since we moved the nearest Starbs is an hour away. The struggle. Visit your local Starbucks for some Pumpkin Spice.
Maroon Nail Polish: I am swooning over maroon for fall and have fallen in love with dark nails. Dark Purple. Dark Blue. Black. Maroon. Looooove. Find this nail polish here.
Dark Purple Leather Clutch: I'll be honest. This was a Pinterest find and I can't find the ACTUAL clutch anywhere but I am searching high and low. When the kids are away I will be carrying one. I haven't quit thinking about it since I laid my eyes on it.
Those are my 2014 Fall Must-Haves. What are yours? Later this week I will blog about my Fall Home-Decor Must-Haves. Just as soon as I get done planning.
Do you love cookie dough as much as me? If so, we should probably be best friends already. I mean Im a sucker for sitting in front of the TV with a sappy movie, cookie dough, and some graham crackers. Its my idea of a perfect night.
However, I am scared to death of getting salmonella. I mean, I hear its pretty rough. That's why this dip is PERFECT, because it contains no egg. So, no salmonella!
Ingredients:
8 oz cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup butter, softened 1/4 cup brown sugar 1/4 cup flour 2 tsp vanilla 1/2 tsp salt 1 cup powdered sugar 1 cup chocolate chips
Directions:
1. Mix the cream cheese and butter in bowl with a mixer until smooth.
2. Add all the other ingredients and mix well with mixer.
3. grab your favorite graham crackers or fruit and enjoy!
Our internet has been out because of a storm for a few days and just got repaired today. So, I have been catching up online with other blogs, email, and some work stuff. My tunes have been perfection today thanks to Spotify and my extreme obsession with One Tree Hill.
Who here loves One Tree Hill? I mean seriously is it not like the best show ever? I still whine and pitch a mini-fit when I remind myself thats its over, even though it has been over for like ever now. Thank goodness Netflix has every season. I tend to re-watch it often. I mean Lucas
Scott could narrate my life any day. One of my absolute favorite things about One Tree Hill is the music. Which is why I have a Spotify playlist titled "One Tree Hill" and you guessed it...its filled with music from the show.
Some of the music takes me way back and I can seriously see Nathen kissing Haley for the first time, Dan Scott being well...Dan Scott, Lucas stealing the hearts of every girl watching, Brooke designing some outrageous outfit that girls actually wear, and Peyton off on her latest crazy happening. Its all so fresh in my mind. Specifically the shirtless basketball games out at the River Court.
It is funny how music can take you back to things like that.
So, my top five One Tree Hill songs of all time:
1. Halo - Haley James Scott (I mean obviously)
2. The Funeral - Band of Horses
3. The Frehsmen - Verve Pipe
(Just go ahead and watch this if you want to cry..totally norm.)
4. Son's Gonna Rise - Citizen Cope
5. The Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin
Ill never forget the endless Tyler Hilton songs and the large amount of Jimmy Eat World songs.
Last night we ate the best quesadillas of our life. I promise I am not exaggerating! They were that good. So good that I plan on making me one for lunch too. So, it is only fair that I share all this goodness with you. Enjoy!
Melt one tablespoon of butter in a skillet over medium high heat. Add sliced onions and peppers. Saute until tender crisp. Remove from heat and set aside.
Melt remaining tablespoon butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add one tortilla shell.
Sprinkle cheddar cheese on half of tortilla shell.
Layer roast beef over cheddar cheese.
Sprinkle pepper jack cheese over roast beef.
Set peppers and onions on top of pepper jack cheese layer.
Sprinkle with Swiss cheese layer.
Fold other half of tortilla shell on top of cheese.
Continue to cook until bottom of tortilla shell is golden brown. Carefully flip and cook until the other side of the tortilla is golden brown. Remove from skillet. Let set for a few minutes and cut into wedges!
Tip: These cook REALLY fast. By the time I had added all the layers it was time to flip the quesadilla so the tortilla did not burn.
Each day an estimated 800 mothers and 18,000 young children die from largely preventable causes.
More than 1 million babies die on their first and only day of life across the world, and 2.9 million in their first month.
More than half of these maternal and under-fives deaths take place in locations beset by a high risk of conflict and/or natural disasters.
40 million women give birth without any skilled help – that’s more than 100,000 women every day. Even more dramatically, 2 million women a year are entirely alone when giving birth.
These are the facts from the UN’s website: MDG4 (Millennium Development Goals) and from their partners at Save the Children.
The facts are sad but it is a reality. When I was presented with these facts I took a moment to reflect and realize just how saddened I was by this.
The best thing any person can do is to reach out a hand and to be the voice for these children. A child is the most precious gift anyone could ever receive and to have their life taken so soon is absolutely heartbreaking. Every child deserves a chance at life. They deserve the chance to grow into human beings that forever leave a mark on this world. They deserve a chance to become authors, scientists, doctors, astronauts, dancers, mothers, firefighters, or whatever their heart desires.
I'll be honest...I have sat and stared at the computer screen for some time now. I was at a loss for words because there are not many words to describe such horrific facts. Disease and death go hand in hand. However, when one thinks of death or disease children do not normally come to mind. Babies do not come to mind. Most individuals relate the word baby or infant to a new life, one that is just beginning, not one that is ending. It is important to support this cause because it does not matter where a child is from, where the child is born, what kind of situation it may be coming from...a child is a child of God and the Lord has asked us to love one another beyond all circumstances. Everyone deserves a chance at life.
John 13: 34-35 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
It's that time of the week again! Monday - which means I am menu planning. Whats on the menu this week? Find out below.
Monday - Tuna Sandwiches with Pasta Salad
Tuesday - French Dip Sandwiches with Savory Rice
Wednesday - Sweet and Sour Chicken served over white rice
Thursday - Homemade Enchiladas
Friday - Homemade Pizza with Breadsticks
Saturday - Philly Cheesesteak Quesadillas with Fresh Salsa and Chips
Sunday - Pork Chops with all the fixins'
Be on the look out for these recipes as the week begins! I'll spare you on the Tuna though. ;) We have our first soccer practice tonight and needed a quick meal to get us going and we l-o-v-e tuna!
Whats on your menu this week? I would love to share recipes!
It's time for those Friday night light and Fall ball. Before we know it basketball will be in full swing and basketball is a huge deal at our house considering my husband coaches. What does all this mean? Concession food and quick dinners. We love nachos around our house, especially when they come from a concession stand. So here is a quick recipe to have before all those ball games and leave you fulling full. You can't get nachos this good at a ball game!
Ingredients:
1 pound of ground beef OR 1 rotisserie chicken (whichever you prefer - we like the chicken)
1 can of nacho cheese
1 can of refried beans
1 bag of tortilla chips
1 onion
1 tomato
1 bag of shredded lettuce
Jalapeños OR banana peppers
Sour Cream
Directions:
1. Ground Beef: Brown the beef, drain, and then set aside.
Chicken: Shred the chicken in to bite size pieces.
2. Line pizza pan with aluminum foil and then put half of the bag of tortilla chips onto the foil.
4. Slice onion and cook in pan till translucent. Then put the onions on top of the chips.
3. Cook refried beans according to can with 1/3 cup milk. Stir well. Pour on top of chips.
4. Put ground beef or chicken on top of chips.
5. Place nachos in the oven at 350 for 7-10 minutes.
6. Heat up the nacho cheese in a pan.
7. Chop tomato and peppers.
8. Once you have taken the nachos out of the oven pour the nacho cheese on top.
9. Then put the lettuce on top and then follow up with the chopped tomato and pepper.
10. Serve with sour cream and enjoy!
Total Prep/Cooking Time: 15-20 minutes
Serves: 4-6
This post is part of the Made by you Monday link party over at Skip To My Lou! Go check out all the other great posts.
Now that Fall is approaching and school has started back I am in full workout mode. Making my fat cry one sweat drop at a time! Just like any other girl I have my workout necessities. I mean maybe its a tad crazy but there are 9 things that I have to have for every workout!
ONE: My Plexus Slim & Boost Combo...No workout can begin until I have had my Slim & Boost. It gives me the perfect amount of energy to go full force in the gym or on the track and gets my heart pumping. Plus, it burns FAT and not muscle which is something I love because I mean - I'm not lifting weights for nothing. It can be found here.
TWO: Elastic Hair Ties...Cute & comfortable! I make my own because they are so easy to make but you can find all kinds on Etsy. The best part? They don't leave a crease in your hair. So, if you need to go somewhere after the gym you can just take your hair down and go without the crazy crease.
THREE: RunKeeper...my favorite app at the moment! It maps my run, announces my milestones, allows me to set goals, breaks down my workout into stats, and I can even purchase workouts on the app if I don't know what to do for the day. This is a win in my book and is available in the App Store.
FOUR: My iPhone...I have to have my music and RunKeeper. I have a workout playlist full of songs that get me pumped up and ready to go! What are some of your favorite workout songs?
FIVE: Nike Running Shoes...I have these in grey and light pink and ADORE them. They are so comfortable and they aren't heavy. So, I feel like Im running in really comfortable socks and I love that. They can be found here.
SIX: Under Armor Low Cut Socks...I hate socks but I love these! I will only wear low-cut socks and these are the most comfortable ones. I found mine at Academy Sports!
SEVEN: Harlem Workout Pants...Before you laugh - give them a shot! These are the most comfortable workout pants I have EVER wore and they have pockets. They may look goofy but who cares? The best part: They retail for $19.80 and can be found at Forever 21 or here. I recommend more than one pair. ;)
EIGHT: Workout Tank...I feel most comfortable in tanks when I am working out and these are just cute and have mesh so your body can "breathe". Win -win! Did I mention they are only $10 and come in tons of fun colors? They can be found here.
NINE: Plexus Fast Relief Combo...Sore muscles here we come! Fast Relief Cream and Capsules always help ease my soreness and get my going again and that is a win for me. I have tried other products like BioFreeze and it just isn't the same. The Fast Relief Cream and Capsules give me instant relief that lasts longer. They can be found here.
Disclaimer: These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure and diseases. This is my personal opinion and personal experience with the products.
So, what are your workout necessities? What are your favorite workout songs? Where do you get your workout clothes?
School has started and we are getting back in to the swing of our crazy schedules. Ya know the ones where you practically have to come up for air between basketball practice, homework, and all those school fundraisers? While exhausting, its exciting.
However, getting back in the swing of things means I can't put off the gym anymore because "its summer and the boys wanna have fun". It was good while it lasted but now its time to shed my body of all those sno-cones and summer desserts I dove in to over the last few months.
So, I am kicking off "back to school" with a little challenge to throw me back in to active mode and I am challenging all of YOU to join me!
First download "RunKeeper" or get yourself a handy dandy Fitbit. I promise you will L-O-V-E it!
Then complete this challenge...
I'll be honest...when I looked at it, I thought "Holy cow thats a lot of miles."
Its really not though y'all! I mean break it down in to 2.15 miles a day (if you do it everyday) and you are good to go. If you know you will skip some days or be busy just add extra miles in the day before or after. The best part is you can count miles anyway you like: running, walking, bicycling, elliptical, swimming, etc. It is all up to you, just get those miles.
I have this weird thing I do. I have a playlist of music titled "Writing". I only listen to it when...I write! You probably guessed that though. My list is filled with songs that usually put me in a very vulnerable place. Maybe they make me sad, motivate me, or just make me feel so special to be able to share this world with all of you. It all depends on where I press "play" on my list. Today has consisted of Coldplay the entire time and I feel like I could fly. Something about Coldplay just makes me the happiest girl. Call it magic. (If you aren't a Coldplay fan you won't get that.)
I can't help but feel like the last year or so has been absolutely magical even though I have cried a fair share of those days. We will blame my gender on that. Emotions run high around here. In the last year God has taken me and opened my eyes. I see things like I would have never expected. He has taken my life and ran with it. At full speed. Maybe I've grown up and this is it but either way things are different. Its scary to think that just a few short years a go I was in a place where life was not something I valued, it was not something I thanked God for, matter of fact I so badly wanted him to take it from me. I was hurt and every time I stood up, I got knocked right back down. The thing was, the pain from the first time still hurt worse than any other time, and that pain it never left. The day and weeks following up to marrying my T I told him time and time again I was a mess and I had been hurt and I cried more than any normal persons and there would be days where I hated this life and days where I couldn't take it anymore and it would be sad and it would hurt and that he didn't have to be with a mess. I felt like a burden. I felt like everyone was scared to break me because it had already happened so many times and in a way I would never come back from. I really was the definition of an emotional train wreck. I ran when things got hard and I pushed people away when they just wanted to be there for me. I had made my mind up that being alone was the best option for me and anyone else. No one wanted the emotional baggage I was carrying around.
In this time I had quit praying. I had quit believing in Him.
That may be the hardest thing to admit but I was mad. I was mad at Him because I thought that he was just suppose to take care of me and He would never let all those things happen.
Boy. Was I wrong.
All of those things have made me so much stronger. All of those things have made me - me. All of those things have given me the absolute best gift. The gift of life. They gave me C. Most importantly, they tore down my faith only to rebuild it in to something so much stronger. God has just poured his love on to me and thinking about it gives me that over the moon - so happy I am gonna ugly cry feeling. I love this life and to think that at one point I wanted Him to take it from me but HE saved me from that is just..words can't describe it.
In our darkest days He is there. All our worries and fears should rest in Him because if we trust Him then there are no worries or fears. God has got this all the way.
I will leave you with this because it was on repeat for this blog post.
This weekend I made an old family recipe! It is a family favorite and comes from my Great Grandmother. Bust out your buffet pants for this one because if you are anything like me then you will have a hard time not eating the entire pan!
Ingredients:
1 cup flour
1 stick of butter
1 cup chopped pecans
8 oz. cream cheese
1 cup powdered sugar
1 small container of cool whip
2 small packages of instant pudding (1 vanilla and 1 chocolate)
2 1/2 cups cold milk
Step 1: Gather the flour, butter, and chopped pecans. In a bowl mix these ingredients thoroughly and press into the bottom of a 9x13 pan. Bake at 300 degrees for 15-20 minutes and then cool.
Step 2: Gather the cream cheese, powdered sugar, and half of the container of cool whip. Mix these ingredients thoroughly and spread on top of the baked pecan crust.
Step 3: Beat the pudding mixtures together in a bowl with the milk for 2 minutes and then layer on top of the cream cheese mixture.
Step 4: Spread the remaining cool whip on top of the pudding mixture and then refrigerate for at least one hour before serving.
We obviously can't keep our hands off of it! ;) It is going pretty quick around here.
Enjoy!
This post is part of a link party! Link up below or find other great recipes and crafts from other blogs.
If you follow me on Facebook then you know I am overly excited all the time from the things that Plexus continues to do for me, my family, and thousands of other people. You know I have a passion for my job and you know that I am not one of those people who dreads Monday! Why not?
I work from home and make my own hours. So - if they boys want to go to the library, sleep in late, or go see family for lunch, we can do that! We don't have anything stopping us and better yet...I actually get to enjoy summer with them, every single day.
Monday just means I don't have to visit Wal-Mart to grab groceries for 6 more days! Woo ;)
Monday doesn't define its self as a day of dread, it is just another day in our books - until school starts. Then it is just another busy day in our books filled with school activities.
With Plexus lots of things are possible. I mean we have one of the best compensation plans around and I get to spend tons of time with my babies. There is nothing more perfect in this world than knowing I don't have to drop them off at daycare to go sit behind a desk and make someone else's dream come true. So, I don't dread Mondays because of the path I chose. Network marketing might be scary to some of you or even all of you but it doesn't have to be. It is a better way.
So, don't dread your Mondays and give Plexus a go!
Don't know what Plexus is? I attached a few videos below of our products and our compensation plan. Maybe, tomorrow we will do a little Plexus 101! Send in your questions.
I suggest this song. I mean tears will probably fall and you might break out in the ugly cry, but it is adorable. Everything by Safetysuit is well worth the listen. Their cover of "Hallelujah" is so so good. Happy Thursday guys!
It has been a while since I have last blogged and as you can see I am in a new (prettier) location. There is many reasons for this and for a while I have pondered whether I was going to open my new blog with these reasons or not. It only seems appropriate. Those that followed me before have read things I don't vocalize - things I only share on paper (or digital paper - blog). I shared things that I rarely speak of. The problem with that is my emotions took the best of me and I started shutting down and losing sense of what the purpose behind me blogging was. The purpose was to let things go and to be honest. I didn't do that though. I didn't let things go. I found myself writing about a series of events that have forever left a mark on my life and I found myself dwelling over them. I found myself back in the black hole I was so eagerly fighting to come out of. So I did what I normally do and I left - I ran as far away from that blog as I possibly could and I refuse to ever look back. Some of my best writing may be on there but some of my saddest most painful thoughts also reside there.
Now what? Now I have new "dreams" for this blog. I have new dreams for just about everything pertaining to me. Its fair to say I am living more positively and things are finally looking up. Life really is good and I owe all that to God. There was a time when I questioned my faith and I questioned Him. I didn't understand why everything had happened. I didn't understand how I was suppose to believe in someone when I was hurting so badly. How was I suppose to pray to someone when I was as damaged/broken/and hurt as I was? Because I had lost faith and I couldn't think of the right things to say and whether I wanted to remain here or not was questionable in my mind. Further I went in to this black hole, but things changed. The sun began to shine again and finally the right words were coming. I was asking for strength and little by little I was reminded that God does not give us anything we can not handle. I was reminded that he is constantly with me. I was reminded that if I asked - He would be there. It was such a simple question and yet I had to be reminded that asking was all it took.
So here I am. Just as raw as I was before. As some of you know I don't really have a filter. I feel like its important to be honest and its important to be real. The only difference between then and now is that I am no longer drowning in all of those feelings and memories. I am on the other side now and now I am working through them in a positive light, because this time my faith is strong and He is always with me, working through these things and reminding me all the time just how lucky I am that I came out of that black hole.
Hello life - its nice to have you back! I won't be checking out anytime soon.
