Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Out with the old, in with the new.

Hello friends!

It has been a while since I have last blogged and as you can see I am in a new (prettier) location. There is many reasons for this and for a while I have pondered whether I was going to open my new blog with these reasons or not. It only seems appropriate. Those that followed me before have read things I don't vocalize - things I only share on paper (or digital paper - blog). I shared things that I rarely speak of. The problem with that is my emotions took the best of me and I started shutting down and losing sense of what the purpose behind me blogging was. The purpose was to let things go and to be honest. I didn't do that though. I didn't let things go. I found myself writing about a series of events that have forever left a mark on my life and I found myself dwelling over them. I found myself back in the black hole I was so eagerly fighting to come out of. So I did what I normally do and I left - I ran as far away from that blog as I possibly could and I refuse to ever look back. Some of my best writing may be on there but some of my saddest most painful thoughts also reside there.

Now what? Now I have new "dreams" for this blog. I have new dreams for just about everything pertaining to me. Its fair to say I am living more positively and things are finally looking up. Life really is good and I owe all that to God. There was a time when I questioned my faith and I questioned Him. I didn't understand why everything had happened. I didn't understand how I was suppose to believe in someone when I was hurting so badly. How was I suppose to pray to someone when I was as damaged/broken/and hurt as I was? Because I had lost faith and I couldn't think of the right things to say and whether I wanted to remain here or not was questionable in my mind. Further I went in to this black hole, but things changed. The sun began to shine again and finally the right words were coming. I was asking for strength and little by little I was reminded that God does not give us anything we can not handle. I was reminded that he is constantly with me. I was reminded that if I asked - He would be there. It was such a simple question and yet I had to be reminded that asking was all it took.

So here I am. Just as raw as I was before. As some of you know I don't really have a filter. I feel like its important to be honest and its important to be real. The only difference between then and now is that I am no longer drowning in all of those feelings and memories. I am on the other side now and now I am working through them in a positive light, because this time my faith is strong and He is always with me, working through these things and reminding me all the time just how lucky I am that I came out of that black hole.

Hello life - its nice to have you back! I won't be checking out anytime soon.


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